Blauner had suicidal thoughts over an 18-year period that was punctuated by overdoses in 1991, 1992, and 1998. She had three psychiatric admissions and twice made trips to an intensive care unit. After ten years of therapy, Blauner finally understood that it was "ok to have suicidal thoughts, just don't act on them." Blauner indicates that she "romanticized my death by suicide" and held on to "the fantasy of killing myself because it was a habit and addiction." Besides overdoses, she stood under trees with a noose in her hand, stuffed her head into trash bags, poked at her wrist with razor blades, begged God to have her heart stop beating, wrote good-bye letters, composed wills, and "spent hundreds of hours planning my funeral." Her worst suicide attempt was when she ingested handfuls of lithium, fluoxetine, and nortriptyline. Blauner's diagnoses included major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder. The onset of her depression occurred at age 14. The traumas of her childhood were childhood sexual abuse and the death of her mother, also when she was 14.