Early on, Paul's delusional ranting sometimes ruined holiday gatherings, upsetting more than the children. We loved Paul, but we were relieved to take him back to the hospital after some visits. Most ended in a pool of tears. As much as my parents, siblings, and I felt sadness, guilt, and loss, we knew that Paul could not live with us. He was very sick, and we could not manage his 200-pound frame, which still showed signs of the football player he had been.